Sunday, July 13, 2014

Eat Your Desserts First

I had a crazy idea on how to celebrate my 40th birthday. It was to organize my own living funeral…
For those who have read Tuesdays with Morrie, they will know what I am talking about.  I will invite all of my closest friends and of course, family and they will each have to do their eulogy for me like they would on my funeral. 

Morbid but wouldn’t it be nice to hear what they would all say about you?? What’s good there is they
 would also have the chance to say it out loud…
while you are still sitting up and breathing. In a word, ALIVE!
Unfortunately, my thoughts didn’t make it through the action stage. Thoughts to actions, right? Maybe next time, in a few years…
BUT that is exactly what I wanted to passionately express!! What if there wasn’t going to be a next time? 
Why are we always quick to set aside things just because we worry  about what others think? Or that we don’t have the time or resources to do it…so many other reasons….

DO IT NOW! You don’t know what will happen later. A slogan from a cake shop reads “Life is uncertain, eat your desserts first!” 
I had a laugh because of the truth of it and because we tend to save the best for last not knowing that
 you might not get to that LAST “BEST”!!!
In my 40 years, so many things have happened. A number of challenges to test my faith, my strength,
my character…
I have learned that family is the most important in my life. I don’t think I have ever gone through all that I have without them.
When I say family, this would not only mean my partner and my children but my parents, sisters, brothers, etc.  
When my youngest brother, Brick, passed away last year, it helped us grieve because we all grieved together…even sleeping in my parents’ room, maybe 12-15 of us…including grandchildren and toddler.
I received mail from one of my friends saying that Brick was lucky to have been a member of our family. 
She explains that hers didn’t want to be a “family”.
Our family is not perfect. We have the same  troubles as any other.  Maybe we just decided to overlook our differences and faults and capitalize on the love we do have for one another. 

(Following note written on April 26, 2014)
I attended the burial of my sons’ grandmother yesterday and I told Edman and Tommy, “You know, Nak, someday you would have to do the same things
that your father is doing now”. Preparing for the funeral, procession, mass... Edman said, “Not too soon, Ma... Think about Castielle..”

No, there shouldn’t be talk of dying yet.  There is still so much to be done! We have just celebrated
 Papa’s 91st birthday last month and Trixie’s successful chemo sessions.... I am so grateful to God for all that He has given us.
 I thank God for every morning that Papa is still with us. 
I thank Him for being with Trixie during her 11 hour-long operation..
I don’t know how many times I kissed my little sister upon her arrival from the operating room...
A silent prayer to God: Lord, don’t trust me too much to keep on sending me these trials, please....:)

I still thank Him for that as well...GOOD AND BAD.
There shouldn’t be talk of death, agree. But there should be enough consciousness that we don’t have the luxury of time...
Every day is a miracle. Lest we forget.

In Jail -- Just Visiting

Last year, I learned that one of my car watch boys was in jail. I met these boys in church when they were still so young. It’s funny but I don’t remember having a car that they looked after while we heard mass. It just happened that during my 18th birthday, I invited them all over for some pancit, bread and coke. Then the story began. They would come for my birthdays and Christmas included. I would pack brown paper bags with candies, inexpensive toy cars, coins,etc. and distribute them when they left for their respective homes..which I found out later, they actually didn’t have a home.

Years passed, I lost track of them. They became teenagers, had their own families… I remember Naknak asking me to help them raise funds for their car watch uniforms. I also remember him telling me he wanted to learn how to drive, so he can earn a living driving a tricycle. All of which I wasn’t able to follow-through.

Naknak is now in jail.

His other car-watch colleagues told me after mass. I didn’t even know his complete name and some didn’t know it as well. I had to search for someone who knew. I found out and from Divine intervention, I also knew what jail he was in. I had to come see him. It was my second time visiting BJMP. The first was for a field trip.  

My two sons were with me.  We had to wait for our turn.  We waited at a carinderia with a one-stop-shop of rental clothes, sari-sari, a tiny dept. store and grocery in one. I mentioned rental clothes because we were told by other visitors that we weren’t allowed to be in sleeveless blouses, black pants and black shirt. And we were in all of those mentioned.  My eldest Edman was in black pants , Tom was in black shirt, and I was in a sleeveless blouse….We all didn’t want to go back for a change of clothes. We had to try on items that would fit us. Edman almost didn’t have anything to wear. He was 6 foot and they didn’t have too many pants with that length…

When it was time for us to get in, police officers took turns on frisking my two sons, asked for their ID’s, wrote their names on a logbook and let them through except for me. They said I had to go inside a room with a female officer which I did. Then came the shock of my life….she requested me to take my pants and undergarments down!! I don’t even know if I’m allowed to write these things but it was what happened. I had to ask WHY.
I could see that the female officer was a bit surprised with my question, she can only reply with, “ First time mo, ma’am?” I almost laughed at her remark because it sounded funny. As if it had an entirely different meaning. She just meant if it were my first time to visit.  I said yes. She then relayed that there have already been numerous instances where female visitors try to sneak in dangerous and illegal items through their garments.

After frisking me, they went through my plastic bag. I brought burgers for Naknak. The officers laid it all out and opened all the buns, poked at the patties…another shocker. The female officer offered an explanation for this. Food also has been made instruments to bring items inside jail premises. My fellow visitor remarked in disgust that the Leche Flan she made and brought was sliced in the middle as if they were going through garbage.
Walking with my two boys, I see men in yellow shirts waving at me. Signaling to come their way. I suddenly felt a bit scared. In my mind raced a lot of concerns…could I trust these beings? What if there was a riot?? Oh, what did I get myself into……plus my children were with me! Did I put them in harm’s way??

I said a quiet prayer…Lord, protect us.

I exhaled and surrendered our safety to God.

After signing our names, they had a little solicitation for one of their activities. I told them I would do it on our next visit. Two men assisted us in locating Naknak. We went to two separate areas. As we walked, I noticed that rice was being cooked in a giant pot on the pavement.

We finally reached the area they said Naknak was. It was also where all the meals were being prepared. They used firewood to cook so the room was all covered with smoke. Our eyes stung as we talked and couldn’t help but breathe it in. To our right were a variety of vegetables and I can see a blackboard with the menus of the days of the week. Most of it was vegetable dishes…

To our left were a husband and wife sleeping in an embrace. Oblivious of all that’s around them. All the thoughts in my head…all the emotions. It took awhile before Naknak came. At first he was speechless. I thought he didn’t recognize me but I later realized it was disbelief. He couldn’t believe his eyes…All he could utter was, “Ate…”
Naknak was in jail for “attempted rape”.

I don't know if it was because of the smoke that Naknak's eyes became teary but when I offered him the burger, he said he couldn't eat. I asked why. He answered, "this is how it feels when you have visitors" It's like all hunger disappears and what replaces it is sheer happiness.. of seeing someone you know, somebody who cared...

He told me that he was in jail for a year and a half already. I asked him the nagging question on my mind... “Did you do it?”

He said he did not.

He just entered a guilty plea for a lesser sentence. That was what he was advised. He relayed to me the events of that unfortunate night.  The complainant was a 47 year-old mother whom he drinks with. That night, there were other people with them. They had too much to drink when the female complainant said she lost her wallet and cellphone. She accused Naknak of stealing it. Naknak’s girlfriend upon knowing that they were bringing him to the Barangay Captain pleaded with the complainant to let them settle whatever the amount of the lost items was.

Before long, the complainant filed for... Attempted Rape.

How easily was he brought to jail. Was assigned a lawyer from the Public Attorneys’ Office and till now is awaiting his sentencing. I had several visits after that. I also took it upon myself to check on the status of his case. Call it guilt, but it would have been so much easier if I tried to help him get a license and be a tricycle driver, right? Than talk to lawyers and sit through a hearing....

I met the lawyer from PAO and I was glad that she was female. Don’t get me wrong. My father’s a lawyer and I’m aware that men mostly dominate this arena...but it’s a woman thing. Women are from Venus. Men will never understand that.

Joking aside. I was excited to learn that there was a scheduled hearing in a matter of days. The day came, my partner and I were on time only to hear that they were postponing the hearing because the Judge was attending a conference. The next hearing was slated in two months!!

I was again present at the Regional Trial Court after a long wait. I saw Naknak chained and seated at the left side of the room. He sent a sheepish smile my way. My heart went out to him. He didn’t have any family.  His lawyer even thought I was related to him. She said that I was the only one she met representing Naknak and who actually visited him.

There were other cases being heard before ours. After an hour or so, a witness from the prosecution team approached the stand. Our attorney’s turn came and ended with one question thrown to the witness and another question withdrawn... I couldn’t understand it. That was that. The Judge set another hearing in a few months.

Today, Naknak has been in jail for 2 years, 7 months and counting. He said that he has been advised that the Clerk of Court is new and they had to hear the case over again. He has also told me that his PAO lawyer is operated on. So... more delays for this case.

I tried to ask for a copy of the documents from his lawyer and her reply was, I can get a copy from a certain department...and she also said, that should I wish to request for another lawyer, I can.

I don’t want to talk politics, government matters, gripe or air grievances, but at times, you just often wonder....what the hell happened to good old-fashioned “malasakit”?? (Does this word even have a translation to English?)

I immediately placed myself in Naknak’s shoes...what if I didn’t have enough money to pay for a good, dedicated lawyer to help me prove my innocence...

Imagine yourself in an emergency room fighting for your life, and the resident doctor was overworked, didn’t get much sleep or simply didn’t care enough if you live or die....I think it’s the same case as Naknak’s. I hear that the PAO lawyers have too many cases on their shoulders that the focus and energy is just not there. Underpaid, overworked but please, not the IRDC attitude. Acronyms I learned from my teenage sons. IRDC: I Really Don’t Care.

I visited Naknak yesterday, I promised I would visit him. He asked a favour from a friend to text me an advanced birthday greeting. Brought him some stuff and my leftover birthday cake.
We chatted for almost two hours. Then when I told him it was time for me to go, I could see tears welling up in his eyes....I asked him to be strong, to pray hard and that I would do what I can to help him. Then I felt a tug in my heart when he said, “Ate, ikaw na lang ang pag-asa ko....” (You are my only hope).

I pray that I can make a difference in Naknak’s case, to bring out the truth and give him justice. You are my only hope, Lord.

Burikot Forever

I'm a die-hard fan, my little brother...:) 

It seems at times I don't feel anything...when I see the framed picture of the two of us together in the morning, I say a prayer for you or I say hello. But...I still ask myself that question: "Wala na si Brick?" 

I guess this is how grieving is...you go through your normal routine. Day to day, you just go through the motions. You know that your life has to be lived even when there is something missing..SOMEONE missing. 

Don't even begin to think that we've forgotten about you. I cannot imagine how Papa and Mama feels every day, knowing they will not hear your voice...that they will not ever again be victim to your pranks and surprises.

It was Christmas eve and Trixie felt a tug in her heart when she heard the telephone ring...it was your way, you would call the landline because you knew that no one would hear their cellphones during the midnight Christmas greetings. But you know that they would not let the telephone ring endlessly.

I knew you were with us, Brick. A thought of you crossed my mind while I was preparing the fruit salad....and Trixie felt her hair raise when she remembered you as she was cooking...

Forever, Burikot...until we see you again.

"Hindi mo madadala kayamanan mo sa langit"

We got the last batch of your things this morning,Burikot...Papa rode with me. I let him decide if he wanted to ride in your car or not. He said, we just take Eide's car. You must already know, your car has been slowly telling me that something's wrong with it. Your evaporator gave up. Was driving it without aircon..:) the machine shop said we had to take a look at its power steering kit,battery,
 etc. I guess, the only reason for these would be that...your car is missing its owner. Hmmm... 

I have always heard the phrase "Hindi mo madadala kayamanan mo sa langit"...but when a loved one dies and you experience the loss first-hand, death and life, takes on a whole new meaning...

Brick, your things are here, they are a reminder of you. But these are things.....just things.

Brick 101: Lessons from My Little Brother's Life (2nd installment)

(Maybe Brick thought we were all strong that we can weather life without him…

I wish I can say that I am strong.  My friends say I am.

But one of my good friend says even the strong crumbles in moments of intense unbearable pain.

That’s what this is, Brick…indescribable…But if I must describe it, it is a deep cut to my heart that is open and throbbing…my enlarged heart has grown so inflamed, it’s as if my chest could not hold it any longer….

Would the crying ever stop, Brick?)

2001, I had to go on training in Manila for 2-3 weeks. I had a hotel reservation but I chose to stay with him in his one-bedroom apartment. He stayed on a folding bed beside me for weeks. After work, he would either pass for me where my training was or we meet somewhere. Then we would buy lechon manok for dinner before going back to his apartment. Then we would have our usual "sometimes" senseless conversations over dinner and at times "naka-kamay". He took me to my first ride at the MRT. He actually took a picture of me before and during the ride. We would rent a videoke room in a mall and sing for an hour or two. He would love to sing to me, so he can show off how much his singing has improved...:) (And it really did!!!) While I sang, he would take a picture of me belting out a song of Zsa-Zsa Padilla...I knew no one would see me other than him so I sang my heart out...and I have the picture to prove it.

I went back to Davao and as soon as I was home, I received a call from Brick. It's like he perfectly timed my flight and the time I reach the house. The first thing he said was, " Parang nawalan ako ng girlfriend..." His way of saying, he already misses me.

In 2003, I struggled with my marriage. When I decided to end it, I was devastated. I had to get away. Bought tickets to Manila with my two boys, asked Trixie if she wanted to come. So all 5 of us boarded the plane for Manila. We of course stayed with Brick, Mama and Papa were already there with him. We had a great time! We took the kids to Enchanted Kingdom. Brick forced me to ride the bump car with Edman where he took a picture of me laughing so hard!!! We almost lost Tommy…he was only 2 years old then. We sang at a videoke, took a trip to a friend’s house in Sta. Rosa, Laguna…and most importantly, we went to church at Baclaran.

Whenever we were together, he made sure we had fun and that we...laughed.:)

Second lesson: LAUGH! Though your heart is aching..:)

Brick's Cat Casper Died

Brick's cat, Casper, died yesterday...in cat years, Papa said he was 80 years old. 

We were all thinking, he just had to go after his master...

We all had a glimpse of him a day before he died. When I last saw him, he was outside our street, walking ever so slowly. They named him Casper for his white fur. I don't like cats that much. I can't remember why, maybe I was shunned from it because of my asthma? I don't know. 

Mama loves cats, she has three now. I recall her story about losing her cat in a fire in Manila when she was young. I guess Brick took it from Mama. He was also so fond of them. He brought Casper by plane to papa and mama years ago. 

It was Brick's 9th day, when one of mama's cats, Houdini, acted totally strange. Houdini has never come up to me in the months that he has been at Mama's house. He even scampers away whenever guests came. But that day, he jumped up on Bryan...one of Brick's closest buddies in high school. That move even surprised Bryan and he shouted, "BRICK!?"

And that wasn't everything, Houdini also jumped on the empty seat beside me. Sat for awhile then walked to my lap and settled. He kept moving his head on top of my hands as if asking to be stroked....and so I did. I found this so unusual. So "supernatural". 

I remember this movie by Keanu Reeves, Constantine. He used a cat to bring him to purgatory and back. They say that cats are "half-in, half-out", living in two realms...

Houdini usually sleeps outside the house and very rarely comes in. But during Brick's death, he walked all around the house. Purring and letting his body glide on papa's legs, sleeping beside mama. As we were talking on the bed, he would transfer from Trixie, to me, then back to Mama.

Psychology could explain our reactions another way. It could say that we are acting on our desperation or it may be just one of our coping mechanisms. But with the paranormal, it would be a whole different story, right?

One day, during breakfast, Kuya Mel told us that he used the comfort room after midnight...out of the corner of his eye, he saw Houdini... coming out of Brick's room.:)

Brick 101: Lessons from My Little Brother's Life (1st installment)

40 days… seems only yesterday.
I keep telling myself, “Wala na si Brick, wala na si Brick…then say it again, “Wala na si Brick?”
It doesn’t sink in and I doubt it ever will…
Brick has brought so much meaning to our lives much more now in his death…
If I could write a book dedicated to him, it would be entitled “Brick 101: Lessons learned from my little brother’s life”
I said this before and I’ll say it again: Brick has lived a full life.
It is not to find comfort in the thought that his life was short-lived. I hear some people say “What a waste” or “sayang” but I would respond by making them see all his photos…
They say a picture paints a thousand words and so it does with Brick’s albums.
I tell Papa and Mama that Brick was ready to go. I just learned last night from mama that Brick had a flight to Japan where almost all of the flight crew members’ inserted a piece of paper in their mouths with their farewells to their loved-ones, thinking that it was their final flight.
Maybe it was these incidents that prepared him. He had a job that exposed him to the possibility of death….everyday.  He was no longer afraid to die. In Paulo Coelho’s words, “and afterwards saw death as a daily companion, who is always by my side, saying:” I will touch you, but you don’t know when. Therefore live life as intensely as you can.”
That is what Brick did. He visited and traveled to as many interesting places as he can. Most of the time, took papa and mama with him. He had this threesome date with them and proved three was not a crowd.
These dates were a conscious effort on his part because it was a challenge to make free time. I keep telling papa, not too many sons can do these for their own parents…in their own lifetime. He made sure you had a fun time and he made sure we laughed…
He lived each day as if it were his last. He tried to make all relationships he was in to be memorable, unforgettable…he invested much of himself, his whole person in every friendship.
In Manila, I learned just recently, that the pulot-boys in his tennis club all made it to the wake. Mama said that some took a seat and cried…
There were his labandera, owner of a carenderia where he rented in Baclaran, where he stayed a few years. His landlord and landlady were also there…all cried before his coffin.

Brick is Happy

When I was young, I would ask the Lord to give me a sign. However unreal it may seem for some, I have hung on to it…for some things. After Brick has passed, I talked to him in my mind…I asked him if he could give me a sign..I told him that if I should ever see red roses, I would know that he is happy where he was.
We have been going back to Orchard Road, at one time, I would see a long white rose on the grass beside his marker. No red roses… Last night I received a call from my older sister telling me that she and her husband went to Orchard to bring a bouquet. I forgot to ask what the flowers were. So when we went to Orchard this morning, they were lovely colored flowers but still no red roses…
When we came home, I was aware that mama had just come from the market and Trix had mentioned that mama bought flowers… as I approached her, there in her hands were three lovely long-stem RED ROSES………..
Twenty-seven days had passed and I got an answer….:)  Brick is happy.  Maybe he is also telling me to be happy…for him…for the family…

Death Rides on a Pale Horse with Two Wheels

The first ever horrific accident I heard about motorcycles when I was a child was of my older brother. That’s also the time I heard my father say that when you ride a motorcycle, your leg is already in the grave.
Lately when I drive, it’s not cars that I normally look out for but motorcycles! They just seem to come out from nowhere, to your left or right. What about the common sight of 3 or more passengers on one motorcycle. I am not even talking about  the “habal-habal” of the provinces where two planks of wood are balanced on a motorcycle where passengers are to be seated.
Just last weekend, I met an American who told me that his Filipina wife died a year ago in a motorcycle accident in Mintal. She was carrying her toddler daughter, a year and 4 months old, when they were hit by another vehicle. The driver died instantly. Her wife was brought to the hospital but later pronounced dead. Their daughter, miraculously, was flung away from the impact. Suffered bruises on the face and had to be rehabilitated for months. She was even advised by the doctor to wear a brace. Imagine a baby slowly learning how to walk and who might not be able to walk at all….
Out of all the accidents I’ve heard, there is this one that stayed in my mind for years . It was of a father taking his child to school in their motorcycle early in the morning.  The frail child seated at the back, grabbing hold of her father. And maybe because the travel was quite long, the child fell asleep, lost her hold and fell off…right in the path where another vehicle was following behind … The child died so tragically…and days after, because of a feeling of guilt, the father killed himself. Two senseless deaths because of one motorcycle ride.
Whenever I see a man and child on a motorcycle, I feel the need to open the car window and warn the driver about the danger of having that set-up.
According to a report from PNP, "a total of 209 cases of accidents involving motorcycles have been recorded in January this year, a significant increase compared to last year's record of 106 cases. Accidents almost doubled in one year!!
I would like to share these safety tips for when carrying a passenger on your motorcycle: 
  • If you decide to carry a child, make sure the child is mature enough to handle the responsibilities, can reach the footrests, wears a helmet and other protective gear, and holds onto you or the passenger hand-holds.
  • Instruct your passenger to limit movement and talking.
  • Remember that the extra weight from carrying a passenger can affect braking procedures, starting from a stop, and riding through a corner.
  • Exercise caution in quick stops, as a passenger can move forward and bump your helmet with theirs.
  • Passing will require more time and space.
  • The effects of the wind will be more distinct.
  • Allow the passenger time to adjust to the speed of riding and the feeling of leaning.
  • Make sure the passenger keeps all hands and feet away from hot or moving parts.
  • The passenger should not make any sudden movements or turns.
  • When crossing an obstacle, the passenger should stand on the motorcycle pegs with knees slightly bent, allowing the legs to absorb the shock upon impact.
  • The motorcycle should be started before the passenger mounts.

Things Car and Truck Drivers Should Know About Motorcycles
  • Because motorcycles can be hard to spot, always look for them, especially when checking traffic at an intersection.
  • Because of its small size, a motorcycle may look farther away than it is. Predict that a motorcycle is closer than it looks.
  • Motorcycles often look like they are moving faster than they really are.
  • Motorcyclists often slow down by downshifting or merely rolling off the throttle, therefore not activating a brake light. Allow 3 or 4 seconds of following distance and predict a motorcyclist may slow down at intersections without visual warning.
  • Bikers often adjust position within a lane to be seen more easily and to stray clear of road debris, passing cars, and wind. Understand that these position shifts aren't to be reckless, show off, or allow you to share a lane with them.
  • When a motorcycle is in motion, don't think of it as a motorcycle; think of it as a person.
There are a total of 7,000 motorcycle sales every week of the year. What with the low down-payment to own a unit, motorcycles sales are booming! Good for companies but not the masses. I am not sure if the government has taken steps in ensuring the safety of these riders. What kind of trainings or seminars are being given? There should be more precautions taken aside from the helmet law.
In another city, would you believe that the law there is it is prohibited to wear helmets? Outrageous,right?? But I guess, their priority there is to prevent killings done by motorcycle riders themselves. But that’s a whole different story.
Please do share this article to your loved-ones and hopefully in our own little way, help save lives.
death death

FACEBOOK: Friend or Foe?

I started with Friendster and I was forever hooked with social networking. It was just the right timing. I was in a remote city, first time away from my parents and loved-ones. I needed to be connected. Not that my parents are techy. They are even the exact opposite of it. My yearning to be connected stemmed from a lack of a list of things to do, simply put.
Years after, when Facebook was created, I didn’t think it would be a tough competition to Friendster but eventually almost everyone I know migrated to Facebook! You cannot believe how many are into Facebook now. According to current statistics, there are  27,720,300 Facebook users in the Philippines, which makes it #8 in the ranking of all Facebook statistics by country.
I don’t know who introduced what to whom but my boys have their own accounts. But I take the blame. It’s my fault, entirely. A home that’s DSL and Wi-fi ready? What else can they do but use it, right? Plus they see their mom taking time on the pc, uploading pictures, sharing links and updating my status…
When games and applications came about, the HOURS I spent planting and harvesting my crops in Farmville! It became ridiculous when I would hurry back home because I didn’t want my crops to wither?! I know of some people who could relate to this. Especially the ones who give me gifts and water my crops when I am away, that means, when I am not online.  I would be clicking and clicking and asking myself…. “What the hell am I doing?!” I knew right then that I had to stop. No more apps for me. So Facebook friends, no more game invitations for me, please. I hope you understand.
There was this amusing facebook link which said: “You want to earn easy money? There are three easy steps : 1.) Log-out facebook  2.) Turn laptop off  3.) Get up from your chair. LOL! I also feel my thighs and hips have become slightly bigger from all that sitting.  My doctor partner even warned me about the symptoms of Carpal Tunnel Syndrome. I just know that I already have it. It’s a pain you feel in your hand because it stayed in one position for a long period of time.
There are numerous benefits having Facebook. I got the chance to see my classmates on all levels including Kindergarten. One grade school classmate relayed a memory he has of me. He was crying in class and I told him to stop because if he doesn’t his eyes will shrink. At least that’s how I translate it to English. He found what I said funny so he laughed. He laughed hard he had to cover his nose and you could probably guess why.  I am elated to learn something about myself or how I acted when I was a child.
Then came the never-ending supply of class or batch reunions!!! I became hungry for news of my close buddies in high school.  The ones I sat beside in class, the person who got me in trouble because we talked and talked while our teacher is desperately trying to get the attention of some ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder) students. Maybe now, we can be diagnosed as having this disorder. Haha!
One problem I see with people so engrossed with being online is and I can better explain it by giving you a familiar scenario: 2 or 3 people in a coffee shop. 2 people with their I-phones and the other one in an I-Pad all connected through WI-Fi and all 3 connected to Facebook… no talk, pantomime or sign language perhaps? I don’t want to think that companionship and camaraderie have been reduced to this. Tsk,tsk,tsk. Whatever happened to the old-fashioned talk-a-thon??
I feel happy and proud learning about the successes of my classmates. I can see all the statuses in the facebook stream.  Ofcourse, not everyone would have positive posts and I am guilty of sometimes airing my negative sentiments as well…I know.  I see posts from angry friends meant for one person.  And you can only say to yourself:  “ If posts could kill…”
I have once told my sons not to make Facebook a medium for the release of their frustrations and anxieties.  I told them how it made me feel reading them and how it may affect their friends who may have already read it. It is comforting to know that we are not alone.  That somewhere in another part of the world, one person is feeling the same way you do. That whatever we may be feeling, whatever we may be going through, someone has been there and climbed out of it. That’s where I got the idea of how my account should look like, how it can create a positive effect. Since I am looking for some justification why I am sitting in front of my pc every day, I found the answer.  I resolve to devote time lifting the spirit of one person and that person may even be…ME.

K Plus 12

K plus 12 and BEC. These are two terms I learned from my two sons during breakfast this morning. My eldest son, Edman informed me that BEC is Basic Education Course and that is the system that’s existing and being used. "K plus 12" or Kindergarten plus 12 years. I have heard of this program but have not actually confirmed of its implementation. It was Edman who pointed out that since Tommy is graduating from Elementary this March, he is already subject to the K plus 12 program.  Having little knowledge on the matter, I googled it and here’s what I found out:
“K plus 12 program is based on an intensive curriculum review, taking into consideration curriculum reviews that have been done in the past. The Department of Education (DepEd) points out that only 16% of college students actually graduate from college. The proposal will benefit the 84% who may not get a college degree.  It aims to make basic education sufficient enough so that anyone who graduates can be gainfully employed and have a productive life.”
Sounds good. Some parents I know would have the same sentiment as mine. I know of one Chinese family friend who made his son stop his studies and gave him a business to manage. I saw his son when he was still a little boy, without a care in the world and at present, he is pretty successful. He took the business to heart, worked at it with blood, sweat and maybe, tears and he was able to buy himself his own car. Don’t get me wrong. I am not at all saying that we do away with our college education but if there was an option of not taking the traditional Basic Education Course, then so much the better.
I told Tommy he has to improve on his grades and do good in school because if he doesn’t I would have to ask him to stop. He would have to look for a job to sustain his needs… Tough love. When I think about it now, if he has 6 years of high school and if in case he doesn’t pursue his college education, would that be enough to land a job? Would there be decent companies out there that will hire a high school graduate? Would they even be called degree holders??
When my two sons started schooling and with the tuition fees soaring, I dreamt of the day when Colleges will have just about the necessary subjects that a student would need to prepare him for work or business. Do courses really have to be 4 to 5 years in duration? I have to admit that even before I entered college, I chose a course that had the least Math subjects in it. Mass Communications. Little did I know I would still have Algebra and Trigonometry in my 1st two years. I also had Chemistry. These subjects we also took in High School.

My thoughts, if it were I who would be putting up a school/College where you can get a degree with only two years’ worth of subjects, would the approval be handed down by DepEd? How often are curriculum reviews done? Does DepEd alone do the review and how often? Does it have court ruling or a House Bill perhaps?

I read this post from a batchmate on Facebook. It said:

HOUSE BILL 5311, authored by Hon. Isidro Ungab of the 3rd District, which states that all the State Universities in the Davao Region; to name a few, UNIVERSITY OF SOUTHEASTERN PHILIPPINES (USeP), DAVAO ORIENTAL STATE COLLEGE OF SCIENCE AND TECHNOLOGY, AND THE SOUTHERN PHILIPPINES AGRIBUSINESS AND MARINE AND AQUATIC SCHOOL OF TECHNOLOGY (SPAMAST) will be integrated into one school called DAVAO REGIONAL STATE UNIVERSITY SYSTEM (DRSUS).

He is calling other USepians to counter this bill for many reasons for example: 1.) Gradual face-out of courses 2.) Price hike in units taken by students 3.) Budget cut where teachers will most probably be the most affected. 4.) For students wanting to enroll in other courses, they would have to go to Mati, Davao Oriental to do so.

I don’t know the reason behind the integration of these schools but after reading about the proposal of K plus 12 and DepEd needing more money to run it, the ones hit first by this are the State Universities. DepEd has proposed budget cuts. The Domino effect.

My wish is that we have more people in government whose ambitions are not confined to their own desires. Well it is a wish, some wishes do come true…with prayer. My dream is for my children to have the best education… and hopefully doing so inexpensively.

Tommy

Tommy, my second child, had a “love trip”.  They were visiting the “Love The Children Foundation” in Toril. We brought him to school an hour early because the trip would take them at least 40 minutes. We had to stop by a convenience store. He said he needed chips and cookies for the ride. He went by himself. My eleven-year-old, so independent…he came out bringing one plastic full of goodies.
I went about my day. I wasn’t able to ask him about his day. But as we were about to sleep, he suddenly told me this story: It was of a teenage boy from Manila who went to Davao with his mom, the boy relayed that his mom left him at a station telling him that she would be back….he stayed there for days waiting for his mother who never came…..
I cannot fathom how a mother can leave her own child…
During my former employment, I had to travel all over Mindanao for days at a time. I used to do that every month for four years.  I would be away for “days”, just days. I would terribly miss my little boys. I would give them a call every day. There was a time I had to go on a 3-week training in Manila.  I almost died from crying because I wanted desperately to see my kids! If money were no issue then, I would go home every single weekend just to be with them.
I think about this mother who left her son…forever!
I know of some mothers leaving their families for an opportunity abroad. I even talked about this in one of my recent articles. We cannot judge them for their intentions but if we can choose the lesser of two evils, then I would choose that over having a child motherless for a lifetime.
When I gave birth to my daughter last year at 37 years old, I had my share of worries and insecurities. I asked myself, “Would I be able to raise this child well?” “Would I be able to provide for her needs  as well as the comforts in life?”  Those anxieties ruled my thoughts. But when I remember a friend of mine who has been trying for years  to conceive or going to Taipeh or Singapore for an IVF (In-Vitro Fertilization) and failing, I thank God for giving me that gift. The gift of a child. I think of the less-fortunate who are not beset with that problem.  In fact, their problem is having too many children . Too many for their financial capacity. The ironies of life.
How sad Tommy must have felt listening to the story of that young teenage boy. He lay down in bed and stared off into space. That night, he asked me to sleep beside him, pulled my arm to wrap him in an embrace. No other words said. Somehow, I know the thoughts running through his mind as he slept…

Who blogs about Insurance?

In my last article, I mentioned that my sister and I are in the life insurance industry. We have been in this business for almost a decade. We are now starting to build our own agency with a company that’s over a century old in the Philippines... We have both resigned from our employment and we pray to keep it that way.
We are no longer employed. (But that doesn’t mean we are bums! Haha!) We have found our ultimate freedom! I even named our branch, Team Ultimate…because that’s just what it is. It is the ultimate thing…to be FREE. I have more time for my growing family, be there beside them when they are sick, I will not have any problems asking for permission to be off from work early or ask my boss for an emergency leave. When my sons have activities in school it used to worry me, how do I tell my boss I need to attend my son’s Recognition Day because he is in the honor roll?
Yes, we are not employed and we don’t get a fixed, consistent monthly income but the chances in getting twice or thrice your salary is an ultimate possibility. (Sorry, I keep using Ultimate, I’m in love with the word. Ultimate Fighting Champions, AHOO!!) Inconsistent income is not so bad after all when you know that it’s inconsistently huge.
I am not saying that it’s easy. It’s quite the contrary. There are going to be days where you’ll have to eat rejections for breakfast, why not throw in lunch and dinner as well. But what a challenge! You will not have to sit in your desk and do the same old routine every single day.  The president of my former company said, for a career to be fulfilling, it has to have three things: AUTONOMY – To a certain extent, you can dictate your work input. No person (boss, immediate superior) looking over your shoulder constantly. Second, CHALLENGE –  To encourage and motivate you and lastly, REWARD – what’s in it for me if I work harder and achieve a goal?
All of those three things are in being an insurance agent.
We are not required to be in the office from 8 to 5, no timecard, no overtime with limited pay. You are your own boss here.  This is your own business, no capitalization, or an outrageously expensive franchise fee. The crucial thing here though is discipline. If you’re used to going to work early because you’re paid, in this business, you push yourself to get out of the house, make appointments, talk to people about insurance day in and day out. Make a list of all the people you know and importantly, the ones with children. They will be the most affected when the breadwinner dies. Structure and organization of your day must be in place. You have to put your mind and heart at it.
Putting your mind at it is sitting down and planning your course of action. Work hard, work smart. How many people you need to see, let us put it this way:  How many lives do you want to be insured or how many families do you want to be covered?
That is also where your heart comes in. You have to be sincere. You have to sincerely want to help families and think about your rewards last. Think of what you can do for the client firstly. After all, relationship and trust are the main ingredients for success in this business. Your client expects you to be there for their families up to the end of the line. When God finally calls them back home, you are expected to be there. 
Now that I have taken on the challenge of creating my own team of competent life insurance agents, I remember my own experience. I was 24 years old when I got my 1st life insurance policy. I actually called the insurance company because of an ad I received from the mail. The agent who took my call is still my agent, 14 years later. She has been there and witnessed my different life stages. She was very diligent in collecting my premium payments. There were a number of times I missed my payments but she was there to help revive my policy. In the insurance industry, the correct term is “reinstatement”. She made sure the policy did not lapse that in case something happened to me, my children will be taken care of and that they will get the benefits of my insurance policy. For me, she was the epitome of a true insurance agent!
This industry is not for everyone and most especially not for the weak-hearted.  As I say to my team-mates, you have to be a little crazy to be in this industry. Of course I say that with a little humor.  Again?  A little crazy and… a lot of bravado! Till the next article! Be safe, be insured.

What's in a Name? What's in a Title?

My sister and I were about 8 or 9 when my parents took us to bowling tournaments of the Davao Insurers Club.  At one time, we were both muses of two different competing teams.  We were surrounded by my Uncle who managed a Non-life Insurance company and his colleagues.  Mama would volunteer Trixie and I to do a dance or song number. Then, with practice and experience, the word “shy” was no longer in our vocabulary. This is probably what got us to where we both are now.  Insurance. That’s a different story altogether.  Watch out for the next topic!
It’s a thrill whenever I meet somebody who knows Tito Tom or my father.  They would tell me stories of how they met papa or my uncle at “almost-secret” circumstances.  What I mean is, they would recall their younger days and the things that they’re not too afraid to mention now.  What makes me proud though is how, even at their naughtiest, they would not forget to say how my father or Uncle helped them in one way or another.
I was in church with my two boys last Sunday. When the choir was already singing hymns, I took the chance to tell them something very important.  When I brought them to Zamboanga, the real purpose was for them to appreciate their father’s ancestry.  I also brought them to the reunion in Batangas for my side of the family. Both families honored the memories of our predecessors. How they came to the country, what they have done and most especially, what they are remembered for…
 So, what’s in a name? Literally, your name may have meaning. Where it’s derived, who coined or invented it (if you can actually use that word). For our country, it could be the combination of your parents’ name.  It could mean strength or weakness.  But going deeper, when a friend or an acquaintance hears your name, what reaction would it draw out? A smile or a smirk, love or disdain?
I am writing about this now because I have encountered people who do not put too much weight on their name but on their title. Head, Manager, Atty., Doctor, Engr., Architect, VP, EVP, SEVP, FVP and the rest with all the characters on it. I am not discounting the fact that some people have really worked hard for it. But what is really in a title?  
I don’t think it automatically elicits respect. Respect is earned. It does not say that you are mighty and powerful because power dies with one bullet… or maybe even a heart attack. I remember a talk given by my former Sales and Marketing Head, he said, “Influence is more important than power”.  A title, in my opinion, tells me of your service, of what you do.  Even the President of the Philippines vows service to his country.  Like the line from a Batman movie, it is not who you are, but what you DO… that defines you.
I don’t want to be remembered for my title, my rank, my success but for the service I have done. I want to be remembered for the positive impact that I had in a person’s life, for how I have made them feel. My wish is that when somebody I know hears my name, I would absolutely want a smile and definitely not… disdain. 

Challenges of a Woman (2 of 2)

Among the many challenges of women, time management is one. For the working mother, they have to balance work life versus family life.
In the workplace, we are expected to be tough, not easily affected, while subject to personal hazards. It’s like short of saying, forget that we are women or at least, not think, act, react like women do. We want to achieve, to excel but so afraid of the consequences.  There is this book that I’m reading, it’s written by Dr. Linda Austin, a professor of Psychiatry. The title of the book is “What’s Holding You Back?”
She tells us of the Psychological Glass Ceiling. This is the ceiling that we have unconsciously erected in our minds…to stop us from further advancing in our careers. For me, I was conflicted. At 23, I married and a year after, I had my first child. I thanked God about this. It was also the same time my career was just about to flourish.  I was given a managerial position which took much of me. I knew that it was critical for me to master time management but at that age, it was so difficult. Whenever I had a promotion, I would stop and ask myself, is this all worth it?
For my second child, I was already managing a thrift bank. When I leave the house, he would still be sleeping and upon my arrival, he would already be asleep…  This went on for more than a year before it dawned on me… What have I compromised? I would be at work when my younger sister would call me to say that my eldest son hurt his head or had to be rushed to the emergency room. I was running an entire office effectively but not my own household.  I know, deep in my heart, my children simply just wanted me to be… home.
I do not have that luxury of basking in the glory of my achievements at work because there would always be that question… What was the trade-off? I’ve seen this big billboard in CDO one time, it said,    ” No amount of success can compensate for the failure at home”. That statement rang so true!
I was already having problems with my own marriage. I knew that somewhere, somehow, I had a hand in it.
I just had too much on my plate.  
Maintaining a good and healthy relationship between husband and wife, boyfriend/ girlfriend, is an important matter that needed attending to.
Now I see clearly how traditional works. My mom was a housewife. It was my father who decided that.  That decision was probably one of the best ones he has made for us, their children. Life wasn’t so complicated then.  My mother had her ways to make her day active and productive. Later, she was able to convince my father to start a business.  A bookstore. I believe it was one of the first book shops Davao had in the late 70’s. I remember growing up in that bookstore. My parents would bring us their every day .  It was a joyous time for me and my siblings!
Women face countless challenges, struggling to re-define their roles, striking a balance in their home and work life. We have come far and should be proud not only for what we have achieved but of what we are still capable of.

Challenges of a Woman (1 of 2)

I have been told that the current statistics show that there are now more men than women—in the world’s 7 Billion population. In China, it is said that the ratio is 120 men to 100 women. What will this mean to women nowadays?
I guess for my daughter, she will not have trouble finding a partner later in life. Haha! But joking aside, I feel that it does not make so much difference. Women have now taken on two roles, or maybe three or four. Women have now entered the arena which was once a man’s world. I, for one, have been on the rat race right after graduation up to this time. And even as I married, became a mother, separated, I am still in-charge of the financial aspect of my family’s life.
What a challenge to become a female or a woman in this day and age…
During my mother’s time, when she got married, she stopped working to become a full-time mom to her children. She was there on most of my activities in school, prepared our “baon”, make us a reviewer when exam time comes. While papa on the other hand is expected to bring home the bacon. Men take  pride in being the provider and breadwinner of the family.
But today, the scenarios have changed. While women should also be proud of what we have achieved, I could not say that we are totally fortunate.
I would still love to, once in awhile be, dependent. This is coming from someone who would think not once but a thousand times before she buys that designer item. Because if she does, it would mean she would have to work doubly hard for the groceries, electric and water bills, the stuff the kids need, food, clothing ,shelter…although with a little exaggeration.
What a wondrous time when husbands surrender their ATM’s to their wives…where has that time gone??
With a dual-income household, sometimes there is the tendency for women to provide for most of the needs at home and less for herself. With the women in the workforce, some children are left in the care of helpers. Yet for other mothers abroad, they are taking care of other people’s children and their own children in turn are taken care of by relatives…I remember the news about a child beaten, scorched and burned with boiling water and left for dead on the street. The child’s aunt and uncle were later brought to jail for the monstrous deed.
My cousin’s wife has been working abroad for years, so it is my cousin who takes care of 2 female children. One of which has been diagnosed of kidney problem. She is spending a thousand pesos a day for meds and her dialysis…it is heartbreaking to see a man cry in despair. The father now stands as the mother? Why have the roles been reversed?  
I also strongly feel that the distance will take its toll on any relationship. A family should be together…in tact . This is just my opinion.  (To be continued…)

The Gift of Life

I am guilty.
I am guilty of being selfish.
And I realize this the minute I saw pictures of the victims of Sendong…
How does one feel losing all your belongings, a home, a loved-one all at once? You cannot even begin to imagine or empathize. My sister and I were at a party the night it happened and the next two days, we had trouble with the internet. I heard about it but didn’t think it would be devastating. After all, CDO is prone to floods which are at the most, knee-high.
It was Sunday when I texted some of my friends in CDO. One friend said they didn’t take the warning seriously but glad that they were safe.  One told me that her father was on their roof most of the night and they were only able to get him in the morning. He is now recuperating in the hospital.
It’s the end of the world.
That’s what my eldest son says. How do you refute that? You cannot say that it isn’t. Who indeed knows when it will be? I can only tell him, “Then if it is, maybe you should spend your days doing what’s important.”  Rather than buying expensive gadgets, use it for something else. I remember my youngest son, Tommy say,”Kuya, kung wala na tayong makain, yang laruan mo na lang kakainin mo!” (If we don’t have anything to eat, you would have to eat your toys).
Introspectively, do I practice what I preach?  Sometimes, our closets get filled with clothes and stuff. Some we have bought but have only worn once or twice.. Shoes, Bags, some so-so, but some so expensive that we shield it from the rain before ourselves..I am guilty of buying things I don’t really need. I would know this because buyer’s remorse would set in as soon as I get home.
I have cleared my closet of some items. Most especially the ones which are only there because I just love to see a colorful wardrobe. I tell my sons, how can you say you don’t have enough shirts when you can’t even move the hangers when you try to pull a shirt out? How many things do we actually need to live…
I’ve printed an article about living a life that’s clutter-free. I loved that and maybe I can incorporate it in one of my future articles. The Christmas season is not helping me with that resolve. It gives us reason to spend and get a little outrageous with the buying.. No matter how hard I try to get rid of things, I end up having more. It’s a cycle..a routine. A hard habit to break.
A friend says while rummaging for things to donate, it’s hard to let go…
It will be so much harder if what we have to let go is… a loved one, right? I feel so guilty when I see that picture of a crying father carrying her daughter’s muddied and lifeless body in his arms…
If only we could see that we have more than enough, how grateful we should be…
…for the gift of life!